Every client I have worked with to-date (and really, every single human on this planet) has something that they’re holding onto that is no longer serving them… that’s blocking them from experiencing the full happiness, love, excitement, and abundance they desire and deserve. Here is the process I take them through:
First, you acknowledge that there is something you are holding on to – some sort of grudge (in others or in yourself). You can tell that there is by the way you feel. So, if you are thinking of a particular situation and then feeling any sort of negative emotion, there’s a block there.
Then, understand why it is important to forgive. Any time you hold onto a grudge, you are really only damaging yourself. Letting go and forgiving do not make you weak, nor does it make you more likely to be taken advantage of, or experience the same thing in the future. In fact, the opposite is true. Carolyn Myss captured this idea perfectly when she said, “Holding on to resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person will die.”
Next, commit to make forgiveness a practice. If you are not willing to make this commitment to yourself, then no amount of work will benefit you in any measurable way. When you actually state – out loud – your commitment, you are setting an intention and creating a contract with the universe. Don’t skip this step.
Finally, choose an activity/technique/tool to put in practice in order to forgive completely (yourself and others). There are a million different options out there (EFT, meditation, creative visualization, etc.), but here are my three top choices:
Forgiveness Technique 1 – “I forgive…”
Choose from the list of affirmations below (or create your own) the one that resonates most strongly with you now. Then write it down (handwritten is best). Saying it out loud several times will enhance the impact. Remember to say it in present tense, as though it has already come to be.
- I forgive myself completely for anything I have ever done wrong.
- I am sorry. I forgive you. I love you.
- I forgive others. We all did the best we could at that time.
- I let go of guilt, blame, shame, judgment, and pain.
- I forgive my parents (or siblings, boss, spouse, etc.) completely.
- I forgive myself for my unconscious behaviors and beliefs of the past.
- I allow myself to feel forgiven and to move forward in life.
Forgiveness Technique 2 – Working Title: The Kellam Method
- Picture the situation that is troubling you. Notice how you feel about it now in this moment.
- Ask if you give yourself permission to let this go.
- Imagine yourself with the situation and invite it in. Literally imagine that you are extending your arms, welcoming this situation to your embrace. Become aware that it is not separate from you and that you can incorporate the learning from this situation into your actual physical being, while at the same time releasing (like water down a drain) all about this that no longer serves you.
- Notice now how you feel and repeat the process as long as there is any resistance left.
Forgiveness Technique 3 – “Hey me, I forgive you!”
Write down every mistake, error, poor judgment, hurtful thing you’ve ever done or said (yes, this may take a while). Ask someone you trust to join you and ask them to just sit and listen. Their only job is to witness what you’re saying (bonus points for telling you they love you and hugging you at the end). Read them your list and allow yourself to feel purged, freed, emptied of any resistance you’ve held onto as you forgive yourself and feel forgiven.
The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.
Remember that forgiveness is a practice. It isn’t something you do once and then forget about it, like a college degree. Forgiveness is more like yoga or any other physical exercise… doing it once will benefit you temporarily, but to make lasting positive transformations in your life, you have to do it regularly. And after a while, it even starts to be fun. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.
And be sure to comment below about your experience using the techniques above (or make up your own)…