The Official Transcript:

Huh. I’m not sure what’s happening with
my internet today. I’m Jana Kellam and I
am the creator and founder of The
Everlasting Love Club, here today with
Hump Day RelationTIP #14,
which is Being Right or Being Happy.

So I’ve been feeling very inspired of
late by the amazing
Tony Robbins who if you haven’t seen his
new documentary or the documentary
that’s about him
(it’s on netflix and everyone is talking
about it because it really is pretty
from that and from some of the
interviews that I’ve seen with him
is this idea of do you want to be right
or do you want to be happy? And what I
see happening not just in romantic
relationships and intimate relationships
but also really around the world — and my
cat is joining me —
Ha! I think that he is interested in
the subject too. Really around the world
there’s this tendency to try to prove
that you’re right, to try to convince
others that you’re right, that your point
of view is the way it is. And I
think that that can come from a lot of
different places.
I know for me that tendency to want to
be right comes from
my need to control what’s happening
around me, especially when things feel out
of control. It’s like you see all the
craziness that’s going on in the world
and you’re like I need to find
something that can feel safe or that can
feel secure, that you can feel right
about. So it’s really easy to slip
into this place of like I’m right about
this and you’re wrong.
You’re an idiot if you don’t get why I’m
right about this and you’re not.
And obviously that has a hugely
detrimental impact on relationships of
any kind: relationships with your
significant other, relationships with
family members…

I want to talk a little bit about my
my sister and I actually. I’ve noticed a
shift in our relationship since I made a
commitment to — and you know I won’t speak
for her because she has her own process,
but I think that this is also
true for her — that when we have any
sort of disagreement or conflict, if
we are in the place of understand why
I’m wrong or understand like… tell me…
Or why I’m right. Sorry, not why I’m wrong.
Understand why I’m right. I’m right. I’m
right! And here’s all of the the proof of
why I am right and you are wrong. And all
that does is just create… in a
previous Hump Day RelationTIP, I talked
about energy and the kind of energetic
states and what happens when both people
are trying to be right is that it kind
of just creates a wall. Like there’s
nowhere you can go from there is
no way of really having a healthy
there’s no way of creating understanding,
harmony, peace…

None of that is happening if
there’s this kind of thing happening,
right? So when we can or when
even just one person in the disagreement
can get to the place where they go
you know what? I don’t need to be right
about this.

The most important thing is not for me
to be right. The most important thing is
for me to feel happy, or for me to
express love, or for me to some other
state of mind
besides being right. Which you know,
there’s freedom in that. There’s huge
freedom in that. And what’s really cool is
what happens

is almost the opposite of what we
think will happen when we let go of
needing to be right. Because we think if I
let go of this then
the other person is going to be
like, Ha! Told you!

And that might happen at first, but I
promise you, it just changes the
whole dynamic of the conversation, and
actually makes it so that you can have a
deeper place of connection and
understanding. And it makes it so that
you can take your relationship to a
deeper place.

It makes it so that you can both “win.”
Ya know? Because really the needing to be right thing is a zero-sum game.

So I would like to encourage you the next
time you’re having any sort of negative
interaction or conflict or disagreement
with someone,
notice if what’s going on for you is
that you’re feeling like I need to be
right about this. And I need to make
sure that other person knows that
they’re wrong about it. And then just try
shifting that to,
Would I rather be right or happy? And
I can’t guarantee it, but I can just
about guarantee that it will change your

It has definitely changed things for me
in my life. So I would invite you to give
that a try.

I also invite you to watch that Tony
Robbins documentary. It’s called I Am
Not Your Guru and it’s available in now
almost 200 countries around the world.

It really is extraordinary. And I want to
also say that my hope for this is
somewhat selfish… I hope that on a micro
scale on an individual one-on-one level
if more of us are doing this
work. We’re doing our own work. Then on a
larger scale we’ll start to see things
shifting and we’ll start to see more
understanding, more connecting, more
communities coming together instead of
being ripped apart. And
yeah, I get a little emotional about that. So… yeah…
let’s all give this a try. Why don’t we
see if that can make some changes that
will benefit all of humanity.

Ok so that’s what I have to say for
today and thank you so much for being here!

I look forward to next week’s Hump Day RelationTIP and I hope you have a
beautiful week!

Thank you!