What is relationship?
Most people would answer that question with some variation of, “Being partnered up with someone. Having a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, spouse, wife, husband, etc.”
But I look at relationships in a much broader way. Yes, we have relationships with our romantic partners. And, we have relationships with our family members and friends.
And then there are other ways we relate to the world around us. So we have relationships with:
- Our bodies
- Our money
- Our food
- Our careers
- Ourselves and our own spirituality
I bet you can guess which one is actually the most important. The one upon which all the other aspects of our lives is based. And the one that having a relationSH*T with can be truly problematic.
Yep. It’s the one with ourselves. (I talked with my friend, Heather Hightower, about this in a telesummit last year.)
All too often, we find ourselves insisting that the people and situations around us feel a certain way so that we can be happy. The reality is, though, that you have to start with you.
And I know that’s not the easy answer. Nor is it the most glamorous. Or the most selfless (more on that and selfishness in a future message to you).
However, your focus on how you relate to yourself and your own life’s desires is the key to ultimate happiness. Once you’ve figured that out, everything else starts to fall into place.
One of my clients told me that her marriage has improved dramatically since she started working with me, but not because we were focusing on their relationship. The reason their connection has deepened and their gratitude for each other has expanded has everything to do with my client learning how to relate to herself better.
It’s actually kind of magical, when you think about it. And… it really is easier and more glamorous and more giving when you are off the hook for having to manipulate everything around you and can just work on yourself.
I have a ton more to say on this subject (shocking, I know), but I’ll leave it there for now. What do you think? Are you on board with the broader definition of relationship? And what do you think about focusing on the relationship with yourself first?